Skip to main content

What's it Worth?


I was in the middle of writing a different blog post for this week when I got some disappointing news.  Those of you that know me personally may have been aware that I was applying for a nursing program to start in January.  Suffice it to say, I did not get in.

This brought afresh some feelings I have been struggling with over this past year.  I'm 24, I graduated early with my Bachelor's in Biology from one of the nation's best schools, and I still haven't made it to where I want to be.  I've been rejected for med school twice already.  I feel like all the things I'm good at are things at which anyone can excel.  I feel like I'm treading water.  You don't need professional training to be a homemaker, or a good listener.  You don't need a degree to be an EMT.  You don't need any training at all to write.

I am very proud of my accomplishments.  I know what kind of person I am.  And when I think of the areas in which I have failed, I tend to fear that others will see me for less than I am.  I hear things in my head like, "You'll be a great mother,"  "You do wonderfully with children," "I love what you made, you're so good in the kitchen," which, to me, all sound like, "You don't belong doing anything else."

Please, understand why this bothers me so much.  I want to be good with all the things I just said.  And without people who took care of children and homes, and loved what they did, the world would not exist.  But I don't want that to be as far as I get.  I have worked very hard to prepare myself to do more than be a housewife and a mom, and I feel like all my opportunities are being cut off before I get to them.

Here is the reason behind all of this:  I'm afraid.  And the particularly stupid part about this is, I'm afraid of what other people might think.  I'm afraid they might think that I'm a failure.  I'm afraid that they might say things like, "Well, it was good for you to try."  I'm afraid that they might  try and pick me apart to figure out what's wrong with me since no program I've applied to will take me.  I'm afraid to be proud of the things that I'm good at, because other people might say, "So you wasted four years of your life getting a degree you currently aren't using?" or, even better, "Oh?  You write and cook and crochet and have a blog?  Aren't you sweet."

So, here is what I've decided.  I will not be afraid of what other people might think about me.  And I will certainly not let what they do think about me define me.  I am proud of what I have done, successes and failures.  I don't need validation from a professional program to be worth something.  I will freely admit, it would be nice, especially right now, but I don't need it.

In a letter to Jewish exiles, the prophet Jeremiah tells them that God knows the plans he has for them.  God told the Israelites that after seventy years of exile they could come back to their homeland.  I read that, and I feel pretty petty for being upset about not getting accepted.  But also, I trust that God knows what plans he has for me as well, even if I don't have a clue.  "No" doesn't mean "Stop functioning."  It just means "Something else."

Labels:

Comments

  1. NojhOctober 25, 2013 at 5:33 PM

    I applaud your conclusion regarding dealing with the expectations others by they real or imagined. But I also noticed a minor fallacy in your introduction.

    "You don't need training at all to write." Technically correct, but also so very wrong.

    Almost (but not all) people can put words to paper in a more or less correct manner. But it takes a combination of talent and skill - in varying ratios depending on the person - to write well enough for people to want to read. And even more so to write beautifully and masterfully.

    This is also true in your other areas of interest, be it cooking, writing, mothering, or EMT...ing.

    Don't fall into the fallacy of thinking that, since you achieved it, anybody can. Everybody's talent and level of experience/skill vary wildly. Things that come easy to some, don't come easy to others, and similar what takes someone years to master, may appear effortless to your own eyes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. UnknownOctober 25, 2013 at 5:53 PM

      I concede to your overall message, but I will point out that I said that you don't need training to write. And I'm proof of this. However, I did not say that you don't need practice to write well.

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Non-Traditional Plot Structure

Happy Friday friends!  This post is about plot:  what we traditionally think of as plot, and what other options exist in the world. For starters, let's define the difference between plot and narrative structure.  Plot is (loosely) the events that happen in the story.  Narrative structure is the order readers experience the story events.  Ingrid Sundberg does a good job of differentiating the two here .  (May as well open that up in a new tab and leave it open, I'm going to be referencing her blog a lot today.   She's pretty much already done what I wanted to do with this post. ) If your public education was like mine, you were probably introduced to a figure similar to this somewhere in your English classes: Fritz Freiheit This is the standard plot that we can fit most stories into.  This describes a plot centered around conflict that follows a traditional three-act structure.  It's very popular.   In the Middle reviews a book that discusses using this structu
5 comments
Read more

February Post

Give me a break, I hate coming up with titles. And the FCC spoke and said, 'Verily, I say unto thee, Verizon and their ilk shall not throttle the bandwidth of those they despise, nor shall they profit from the favoring of entities with greater bandwidth therein.' And there was great rejoicing.  And by great rejoicing, I mean that the internet blew up arguing about what color a dress was.  You go, America, exercise that freedom. Girls and boys, it's the last Friday in February and I haven't posted anything this month, so here goes. I'm so glad I didn't try to keep posting weekly, because school owns my life nowadays.  I approve of the once-a-month plan so far.  We'll see if I can do more posts during my summer break (i.e. the month of May). As you might have guessed, I have not done any editing on Om Nom Nombies.   I haven't written anything more on the first drafts of The Neif  or Spitfire.   I haven't even made any progress beta-ing a manusc
Post a Comment
Read more

12 Ways Wonder Woman Was Actually An Anime

Clickbait title?  Riding the coattails of a hugely successful franchise? Yeah. So, Wonder Woman has been insanely successful.  It had some cool stuff going on but was not my favorite movie.  I had several problems with it, mostly happening after Diana leaves Themyscira.  But I'm going to put most of them aside to talk about why Wonder Woman was actually an anime, despite being live action, full of white people, and made by 'Merica. Anime style poster used to promote the Wonder Woman movie in Chinese Flickering Myth YEAH. I'm working on the assumption that you've seen anime before in a quantity sufficient to familiarize yourself with its tropes, so I'm not going to go into detail about why these are tropes and how long they've been around.  Also going to assume you've seen Wonder Woman and not going to worry about whether I'm spoiling anything for you. Blessed From Birth From birth Diana is special.  She's the only child on her island
3 comments
Read more